Nachricht Nummer : 475 Übertragungszeit : 4 min 7 sec Nachricht von : WAM@ZAMIR-ZG.ztn.zer.de (Wam) Betrifft : Zagreb Diary on 15 April, 1994 Kopienempfänger : /REG/NEWS/DIARY/WAM, /APC/YUGO/ANTIWAR, /CL/EUROPA/BALKAN, /SOC/CULTURE/BOSNA-HERZGVNA, /SOC/CULTURE/CROATIA, /SOC/CULTURE/YUGOSLAVIA Erstellungsdatum : 17.04.1994 15:59:00 S+2 Dobar dan, Although there was happening a lot today what I could describe I for ones give my diary to somebody else to write here story. This is today the story from Emira, her parents have a coffee-bar annex restaurant when you come into Pakrac. Her parents are cooking for the volunteers 3 times a week. Over the months Emira and her family got very used to having volunteers in their house. When I was there this evening I saw that she was down, three days ago three policemen walked on a landmine and suddenly the whole town is on this side of the line is down. On such moment everybody is busy with their own memories, their own stories. Mines will kill a lot of people in the months to come, and suddenly everybody are realising that again. The peace is coming but so many wounds are still open and so many stories still have to be told, therefor for ones not me but Emira. BOK!! My name is Emira, I go to secondary school in Pakrac. Pakrac is as you probably know small town devided on two sides Serbian and my Croatian. I do not know the statistics like how many people lived in Pakrac before the war, and how many of them were killed, but I know that too many people were killed in this war which nobody understands. I will write down the story of my life since the beginning of the war will write it down for you because a friend of mine once told me that I should share the things I feel and write with other people, he was my best friend and i will tell you a lot about him in my story. I woke up that morning just like every other morning, I even remember that I had milk, butter and jam for breakfast. It all looked strange that morning.I saw lot of people in cars, more than usually, they were all going away, and I could not understand it at that time ,but just few days after that I did. After the lunch I went to see Suzana ,she lived across the street and she was Serbian, I knocked for ten minutes but nobody answered, I was just about to leave when the woman next door said: ''They left this morning, and didn't say anything''. I thought: They'll be back soon. So I decided to go and see my best friend Zoran. I came to his house at 5pm he was very stressed ,he said: ''There's some trouble in the police station, and it looks very serious. I have to go there''. It all started that evening, at that time i was in my parents sweet shop, it was the first time I heard shooting was so scared ,It was the first time I didn't think about going out with my friends ,I thought that It was a night mare and that I'll wake up any second, but I didn't. I couldn't sleep that night, I felt physical pane and fear at the same, even my bones were hurting. grenades, and bullets were flying everywhere. The next days were like that. After ten days I couldn't stay in the house anymore didn't see my friends so long, and I'm not used to it. I sneaked out of the house(we didn't have a seller that's why we were in the house),and the sight, my God, I thought: ''That's not my town's", I was in some kind of coma, a grenade waked me up. I could smell smoke, I I heard people screaming, dead animals were lying on the streets scattered like rain, oh that smell. I saw a wounded soldier, other soldiers were taking him away and he was in agony of pain, oh the smell, I never sensed something like that, it was like smelling death. I felt like I'm trapped in a big room there are only doors with chain and lock but there's no key, I start searching for it but I can't find it, after that I call but nobody's answering, after that I suddenly stop and the fear overcomes me totally. I was 100m from the big supermarket, I saw Zoran, he was waiving and shouting: ''GET DOWN!!!!!!!!'' A second after that a grenade, BOOOOMMM!!!!, Zoran is gone, some people are trying to collect what's left from him. I hear my own scream, and after that dark. I'm waking up in Zagreb. I see my mother, she looks like she's frightened, like she's afraid of Me. I'm afraid to ask, after one hour I ask. I cant cry, I want too but I just can't, WHY???? He's gone, and I can't bring him back. A month after that they're all gone, fourteen of my friends, all of my friends, gone. At that time I'm in Koprivnica(it's a town in part of Croatia called Podravina, it's situated by river Drava, by Hungary)After that I go back to Zagreb ,to go to secondary ''KRIZANICEVA''- school for languages. After some time I got sick, I started seeing blood everywhere, I stopped talking to other people, I created my own world, a world without war. I stopped living the reality. I stopped going to school, I was just sitting on one place not ,talking or doing anything. After some time I end up in psycho hospital for three month, they're giving me therapy, pills (Moditen, Akineton and Nozinan),it's a hospital for protection mental health of kids and youth ''Radnicki dol'' in Zagreb. l continue to drink the pills two month after the hospital, although my psychiatrist said that i should drink them for six month. I changed 15 different psychiatrists, and they didn't know how to teach me to enjoy life ,and to live like normal young person after that all. I don't show other people how I feel, and it's much easier to write down some things, than to say them. I'm back in Pakrac and I'm living trough it all again every day. I find myself waiting for my friends all the time, and I know that they're all dead, but I keep on doing it. That was my story, the thing I'm happy about is that people are trying to rebuild ,and that there are people all over the world who care and want to help. A TEAR FROM PAKRAC Emira Mir from somewhere in Hrvatska, Wam ------------------------------------------------------ "Zagreb Diary" can be found on a lot of different electronic networks, it is copyright free and can be ported to any network or other means of communication you like, but please drop my a line, you can reach by sending a message to wam@zamir-zg.ztn.zer.de . Zagreb Diary is dedicated to Tyche, Pjort and Rik, so that they found out what there father have been doing all that time in Zagreb. Financial support for Grassroot relief work in Croatia or BiH can be send to Kollektief Rampenplan (atn. Lylette, Postbox 780, 6130 AN Sittard, Netherlands, tel:. +31-46-524803 and fax: +31-46-516460 or to Zagrebacka Banka, Zagreb, accountnr.: 2440291594, to Kat, Pieter Jan Herman Fredrik, Brace Domany 6 6fl nr3 (postbox 33), 41000 Zagreb. Please notify me if you send or have send any donations. Old numbers can be found by sending a message's with as subject "FILES" to pakrac.info@ZAMIR-ZG.ztn.zer.de, to order a file send a message with subject "SEND " to same address. ## CrossPoint v3.0 ##